I bet you didn't know this would happen...

I received the following email chain this afternoon.
______________________________________________
From: Corporate Big Wig
Sent: Thursday, August 31, 2006 4:32 PM
To: Everybody ! US
Subject: Time Entry


Please be advised that all logs for the period ending August 31, 2006 must be entered and finalized by 4:00 p.m. LOCAL TIME on Friday, September 1, 2006.


______________________________________________
From: Head Honcho Bossy-Boss Guy
Sent: Thursday, August 31, 2006 4:32 PM
To: Some of Everybody ! US
Subject: Time Entry


Everyone.

See the email above. I don't like these deadlines anymore then you, but be advised that I expect everyone's time for the month of August to be in the system within the deadline set forth below--that means TOMORROW.


-----Original Message-----
From: Tip-Top Corporate Beancounter
Sent: Thursday, August 31, 2006 6:13 PM
To: Back to Everyone ! US
Subject: Time Entry

This is very important for many reasons. Please comply with this request.

______________________________________________________

Secret to the Universe decoded by email messages sent to Corporate Drone:

This *IS* very important, for many reasons... none of which we're going to tell you...

Such as:

A) If you don’t comply with this request, time, as a scientific concept, as we know it will come to a screeching halt. Planets will collide, generally bad news for everybody.

B) Interest rates will go up

C) Al Gore will grow another goofy beard.

D) Toilets all over the Northern Hemisphere will start flushing in the opposite direction and in Australia, they will come to a complete standstill.

E) Lindsay Lohan will be awarded the Irving Thalberg Lifetime Achievement Award.

F) Legwarmers will come back into style (ha! told you so.)

Passwords...

Why is it that everything is password protected these days? And, every time you go to buy something on the internet they want you to set up an "account" (yes, I know this is a bit like Kramer asking why Radio Shack needs your phone number)...

Now, its not only enough for you to have to have a password, but for instance, at the job I have to change my password every 6 months. Yes, because I'm really working on some top secret spy-worthy cryptic information like the schematic for the space shuttle or something. Fine, so when I started work I was given a password. It meant nothing to me but I wasn't paying attention in computer training in order to learn how to change it to something meaningful so I stuck with it. It has a number in it. Every time I'm prompted to change my password I just change the number. Now, that's not enough. Nope, not at all. Now I can't use the same password that I've used before. It has a memory of at least my last five passwords. There is no rhyme or reason to the numbers that I've chosen so the last time I had to change the damn thing I had to go through every possible iteration until I found the number I haven't used in the last five passwords.

Sure, you probably are saying to yourself what's the big deal, who cares, what's another password. I'll tell you what another password is-- it's between the password and my home address. There's only so much room left up there in the old brain. Something's got to go. And just think, if I didn't have to be wasting my time with this whole password thing I might actually be able to get some work done!

Strange....

So earlier my office smelled like feet (or the bread they make at Subway, take your pick), now it smells like burning candle wax. Between that and the whole "having to work" thing, this whole "job" is getting to be a bit much.

I'll huff and I'll puff...

Now I can identify with the three little pigs. When you live in central New Jersey you typically don't expect to wake up and find part of a tree sticking out of your family room.

More things you don't expect to hear....

including a William-F.-Buckley-Eqsue co-worker using the words "edible panties" and "horse trailer" in the same sentence.

T-Shirts...

So for the next time you want to make your own Snakes on a Plane t-shirt replete with Samuel L. Jackson quotes, visit Zazzle.

Emmy's...

Yup, Billy Bush, the president's cousin, called Evangeline Lilly's gown a "Versach"

Prada, Day Two

After checking on the website and finding that mark-downs for Thursday were up to 75% off of wholesale, I decided to head back to the Fuller building for my second "appointment" at the sale. There were a handful of sweaters left, each needing a visit to the reweaver, lots of mens shoes and suits and lots of strange pants. I ended up with two pair of pants, each at $25 a piece. The upside is at least one pair is red, matching the handbag from Tuesday!

Hmpf.

I'm not quite sure what any of this means, but it was on Ana's page and I thought it was interesting...





take the WHAT INTENTIONAL TORT ARE YOU test.

410e9th

Okay so 410e9th is really slacking. No new posts since June! What's with that!?! I guess after (gasp!) turning 30 he thinks's he's got better things to do???

Samples...

So I managed to walk away with two pair of shoes and a handbag! Not bad for day 2 of the Prada Sample Sale (yesterday was open only to employees and the "press"). I did have in my hands for a few moments a gorgeous buttery leather handbag that was so very chic, but I'm afraid I wasn't willing to part with $600. I also found a great Miu Miu skirt and sweater, only to after closer inspection, find holes. Damn!

The two pair of shoes and the bag, however, are perfect.

Now, we'll see what Thursday brings.

Long Way Down

Rumor has it Ewan and Charley will be at it again come 2007, riding from John O'Groats, Scotland to Capetown. Hopefully Claudio will remember his passport this time!

Chris Isaak

So last night was the Chris Isaak concert-- we had tickets to see him last year in Boston but misplaced the tickets and then ended up having to work anyway (lame, I know) and tried (but not too hard) to make a last minute trip to see him at the Borgata in Atlantic City, then finally, he was actually scheduled for a date in New York. Booked the tickets in May, got 10th row (not bad) and it was at the Beacon.

While we were waiting to go to our seats (after having been browbeaten by the ushers for trying to enter the auditorium too early-- who knew 7:40 was too early for an 8pm show) I noticed two girls near me who were talking to an odd looking guy with a headset and a set list. I heard him say something about "Blue Spanish Sky" and the girls looked both confused and kind of excited and after he left they seemed to be wondering whether he was for real (turns out the girls were brought up on stage right before the final song to dance with the band.... now if only I had been wearing a flirty top instead of a cardigan maybe that could have been me-- my cardigan did have leopard print trim, shouldn't that count for something???)

Tristan Prettyman opened (in advance of the performance I had no idea who this person was so I was taking bets with the husband as to whether Tristan was a native american man... turns out Tristan is a 24 year old girl who can play a mean guitar!) She totally inspired me to get the guitar out of the hall closet and try again with lessons (ha! like I have time for that, one can dream...) anyhoo, the Beacon theater's not that big of a place and Tristan came out to the "merch table" after her performance and signed cds which was neat (and even more neat that her performance made you want to buy her cd!) Of course, as usual, the intermission was also punctuated by a call to the Job. Vacationing co-worker felt the need to call every possible number for me and leave blackberry messages in order to alert me to the fact that I needed to do something immediately, oh, no, wait, it can wait until tomorrow morning, but you have to call at 9:30am, on the dot, not a minute later, 9:30. Why not send smoke signals and call my mom next time too???

Finally, for the show-- Chris and the band looked like they were having a lot of fun and the audience size was small enough that it still felt intimate rather than a ginormous venue. The songs were mixed between full band with acoustic numbers thrown in and you know you're getting old when you prefer acoustic music because it's less loud. In true New York fashion I had to yell at two women sitting in front of us who were getting drunker by the moment and kept shouting through all of the music (interspersed with their constant getting up and leaving their row, much to the dismay of the four people who were between them and the aisle). I felt vindicated, however, when I was thanked by the woman who was sitting next to them.

All in all a great night, and how often can you say you saw someone perform in a suit made to look like a giant disco ball?

Talledega Nights

Okay, so it was stupid. But sometimes stupid can be funny!

Train Gang

I think it is kind of funny how there is a little gang of people who all stand at the same spot on the train platform every morning. Back when we used to take the 7:56 Amtrak there was the foursome affectionately known as "the Russians" who we would often have to battle for seats. Nowadays we rarely see more than one or two of them at a time due to changes in the timetables, but as with each new train schedule, new groups emerge. Today on the platform was the British guy who looks like a cross between the evil boss from "Thirtysomething" and Gary Oldman with a pencil thin moustache. It is very hard to take anyone seriously who has a pencil thin moustache, even more hard when they show up on the platform in pink and white gingham trousers. He managed to pull off the look but it was very Lilly Pulitzer. Then there is the mysterious Indian guy in his thirties who never has anything with him other than a cell phone (and occasionally a provocatively titled book-- something about HSBC being "the Devil's bank"???) and of course, the card shuffler. The card shuffler is a man in his late fifties or early sixties (who oddly enough also works in my office building) and used to be the dealer on various interstate poker games on the old Amtrak. Due to the seating configurations on NJT trains, thankfully poker playing is no longer convienent. Many a trip I had wanted to rip the cards out of his hand, give him a $5 bill and then throw the deck off the train. People would settle up their scores upon reaching Penn Station and money would change hands, this practice never troubled the conductors, though let a little old lady get on in New Brunswick with an RTX fare her butt would get booted off the train by the time we reached Newark.

One Small Step...

Have you heard that NASA has "misplaced" its original tapes of the Lunar Landing? But don't worry, they have film footage of the broadcasts of the landing so the images aren't lost for ever, just the *originals*! Does anyone think this is a bit fishy? I'm thinking all those moon landing conspiracy theorists are saying "I told you so" right about now. Now there isn't any filmic evidence that the whole thing was just staged out in Burbank. Next we'll find out the "Mars" images are from Red Rocks.

Project Runway...

This season's slug of designers on PR is just not nearly as exciting as last season, what with no clear "Santino" of the bunch, and not even an Austin Scarlett. But, I will say, Laura Bennett has grown on me. Very prim and proper and every now and again she curses like a sailor. Its a bit unexpected and it works. As Tim Gunn would say, "Carry on!"

Sample Sales...

So ladies and gentlemen, I have been monitoring the internet for a month. Waiting and logging on to the Prada Sample Sale website to see whether it was open for business. Finally, last night at about 10:30 the flood gates opened. They were taking reservations. I'm in. I managed to snag one appointment on the first day of the sale (though I could have gone in at 9am I opted for a noon slot-- we'll see if this was a mistake...) hoping to get my hands on some handbags or shoes. And another appointment on the second to last day (which is when I went last year...) Last year's purchases included a purple cashmere shell, a fabulous cashmere and silk grey cardigan, an ostrich skirt (yes, PETA be damned, it's real ostrich, I'm sorry!!) and the only regrettable purchase-- a pair of suede pants. Note to self-- next time, try not to purchase suede pants with lining made out of the same material as a bag of Lays potato chips.

Also right on time from last year is the reappearance of the Hermes sample sale. Last year all I got from the sale was a lousy tie (actually, it was a quite nice tie, but last time I checked I don't wear ties that often, so clearly it was a bauble for the husband). Unfortunately this sale has been moved from 61st Street to the Metropolitan Pavilion. Regardless, work permitting, I will be hopping on the subway in between Prada appointments. ;)

I know, its a sickness. At least I'll be well dressed.

The Most Random iPod Ever....

Here it is, 10:36 on a Saturday night and I find myself adding tunes by Bing Crosby and the Red Hot Chili Peppers to my iPod. I think Bing is rolling over in his urn somewhere. Mele Kalikimaka!

Did someone say copyright infringement?

I think Emeril's people will be making a few calls soon enough. When trolling the east village last Sunday at an ungodly hour of the morning (aka sometime after 9am but before noon) with Ana, I came across 37 St. Mark's Place, aka Bamn!

Bamn! Food is bringing back the old Horn & Hardart Automat concept (see picture below) and apparently, "satisfaction is automatic" and the food is "Bamn Tasty!"

On Aging...

On the train this morning there were two men sitting across the aisle from me. One looked to be about 65 (though a fit 65) and the other in his seventies. The 65 year old, extending out a copy of the day's paper, says to the septugenarian: "Do you want to look at this? It's got big pictures!"

Where George Clooney likes to eat in Lake Como

I just happened to stumble upon this fun little article in the Times...

Sienna Style

It would appear that leggings are making a come back. I completely attribute this to Sienna Miller who (though US catalogued her latest fashion missteps on the last page of last week's issue) has this uncanny knack of looking good in usually bemoaned eighties-esque fashions. The husband is completely horrified by this trend and signals it as a sign that leg warmers too will make a come back (little does he know there was a limited resurgence of those a season or two back, but like the first time Gauchos tried to make a reappearance in late 2000-early 2001 it just didn't quite stick that first time around). Anyway, being the fashion follower I am I had to jump on the bandwagon. Also being slightly weary of this trend I decided to make my foray via a cheap pair from Target. I had seen them earlier this summer at my local Target but hemmed and hawed even though they were only $5.99. I bought another pair of knit gauchos instead (what can I say, they're great to wear around the house). Then I finally decided I had to take the plunge. I haven't had time to go back to Target so I hit up the internet site and was disappointed to learn my leggings were on back order for up to 6 weeks! However, some fashion miracle occurred because they ended up showing up on my door step just a few days ago. Though I'll probably not have the guts to leave the house in them (though I have dreams of perhaps pairing them with my Prada ostrich skirt, much to Miuccia's dismay, I'm sure) they are great-- just the right amount of stretch and made out of some Roswell technology space-aged material that has more sheen than cotton but doesn't make you look like you should be taking part in the Tour de France. Also they were surprisingly the appropriate length! I was mesmerized so much I had to order another pair. But I swear, no leg warmers.

Miss Kitty

Sometimes, like the Post Office, they like to keep you guessing. This evening, I started a little chant of "kitty", and in a very un-feline-like manner Miss Kitty, perched on her cat tree, slowly climbed down, made her characteristic "brrr!" sauntered over, jumped on the ottoman and then climbed into my lap for a nap.

On Broadway

So this weekend was Ana's big visit to NYC. We decided we would go see a show and on our way to the infamous TKTS booth (which has now been temporarily relocated to the Marriott Marquis) we heard a young guy call out "discounted front row tickets to Faith Healer". Okay, I didn't think much of it. I had already seen Faith Healer (after having waited since 1995 for Ralph Fiennes to come back to Broadway!!). We go to the booth, deciding between Bridge and Tunnel and Jewtopia when Ana notes that she would go and see Faith Healer, if I hadn't already seen it. I say, it's got Ralph, I'd see it again (noting however that it was a very heavy Irish drama which in polite theater jargon means-- don't hold me responsible if you think its awful!) Then I'm thinking well, if the guy shouted "discount" it must be that he's with TKTS and is just hawking for the booth. I go to the window and ask what seats they have for the show-- the woman says "mezzanine". Ana asks if I am game to jump out of line and find the guy with the tix. I say okay.

We head over to the general vicinity of where the ticket guy was and he's nowhere to be found-- though there are a bunch of other scalper types and oodles of tourists handing over crisp ATM-fresh twenties. Amidst the sounds of "Front row, History Boys, Front row, Drowsy Chaperone" we threw out an inquiry for "Faith Healer". Cell phone calls were made, we were told the guy would be back in a few minutes. So, I'm standing here on the corner of 46th and Broadway thinking-- what's going to happen next? How much is "discount"? Exactly what are the scalping laws in New York again? Is the NYPD going to be cracking down on illicit Broadway ticket offerings? Will these tickets even be real? And then there shows up Sal. Sal looks to be about 25, just a touch overweight, someone who would look more comfortable outside of Yankee stadium in the same trade rather than at TKTS. So, he shows us the tickets and they look good enough and he's selling at below face value so I feel a bit better about the ticket trade.

My lingering doubt, however, is as always that we're going to get our butts thrown out of the theater when the tickets are proved fakes and two little old ladies, or worse yet, nuns come to collect their seats right before the curtain goes up.

Sal advises that we *have* to be there on time since we're "so close" to the stage and he gives us his card and shows us his driver's license and a credit card in order to "prove" his id. Not like those couldn't be fake or stolen or whatnot, but hell, it was $75, in for a penny, in for a pound.

As show time got closer I started to get more excited about the prospect of seeing Ralph up-close, the last time around our seats were good but not up-close good. Of course the down side to all of this is having to sit through another two and a half hours of Irish drama. The other thing that happened as showtime got closer was that I realized that I was not really dressed for the occasion. I was going to be one of those disshevled tourist folk up in the front row that everybody else looks at and says-- "how did *she* get in?" Yeah, I was all decked out in lime green lacoste and capri pants with cole slaw spots from dinner at Junior's, no make-up and a day full of city grime on my face-- short sleeves I knew it would be cold, went to the Gap, found nothing good and decided to resort to draping a newly purchased skirt over my shoulders for warmth. At least it was a Bottega Veneta skirt, but I would still look like a crazy woman nonetheless.

At 8pm we strided into the Booth Theater and alas! What ho, the ticket scanner accepted our tickets. Still feeling a bit like we could get tossed at any moment we headed down, Uecker-esque "to the front row" (well, second row, but it was still very close). Right in the center, there we were Row BB, seats 105 and 106. Center stage. Much to my surprise the lights went down, curtain went up and no one evicted us. Instead two other groups of two shuffled in reluctantly (presumably also customers of "Sal" since he had four other tickets in our row to sell...).

I found that much like how the return trip from somewhere always seems to go faster than the original trek, the play was really easy to sit through and enjoy. I knew what was coming and when and I could just watch intently. This was broken up a bit when, in the first act Ana and the man in front of her had to dodge some errant Ralph spittle. Risk of the territory, I suppose. Another aspect of sitting up so close that was neat was there certainly seemed to be actual eye contact with the actors-- I have been on stage before and know that with the lights you usually can't see a damn thing in the audience, but it did seem on more than one occasion that you could catch their eye. Pretty neat, that is right up until I decided to keep my word and take a picture at the end of the play! Both Ana and I really do think that Ralph gave us the evil eye, or if not us, at least me. I tried to be good, I waited until the play was over and the gang was out on stage for their bows. I did turn the flash off, trying to be respectful (even if the sign outside said absolutely, postively, no photography, before during or after the performance). It was my groupie moment in the sun. And, what an outcome for my efforts:



Note to self: Next time you decide to make an ass out of yourself in front of The English Patient, USE A FLASH!