Thursday, October 12, 2006

Cheeseburger Happy Meal

My lunch today was very unsatisfactory for some reason. I had wanted to go to Le Pain Quotidien for tuna. I should have. I was up at 70th and York and I know there is one near by but I didn't have the address and I hailed a cab too quickly (giving me no time to try and figure out where to tell the cabbie to go) so I just went back to Rock Center. On a quest for Tuna I went to Cucina and it was okay but not great. I had half of a half of a tuna sandwich and some jalepeno potato chips (even those weren't good). Needless to day I was hungry this afternoon. I finally decided I'd head down to the lobby and get a snack. I knew I wanted something substantial and by the time I got down stairs I was debating between Au Bon Pain and McDonalds. I voted for McD. I wanted a cheeseburger. (I know, I usually don't eat beef, but really, is McDonald's beef??) I though a Happy Meal would be perfect-- a smigden of fries a tiny coke. Everything's right with the world. Went to McD, they actually prepared the stuff fresh for me since I was practically the only person in the joint. I came back to my office (after having the chance only to stuff two french fries into my mouth...) and what happened? The *second* that my bag hit my desk my co-worker from the office next door shouts for me to come in to her office because she wants us to return someone's call.

I go in. I tell her I'm sorry she missed me when she was looking for me (this was word on the street as I stepped back into the office itself) and mentioned that I had gone down to get some food because lunch was bad. She comiserates and says that her lunch was bad too and asks what I got. I advise Happy Meal. Do I get a-- "why don't you go and eat it real quick, we can meet back in ten minutes"? Hell even five minutes? No, of course not. And it's not like my food was hot or anything. So I'm thinking, fine, it should be quick maybe we can just get it over with.

Not quite. We called back this gentleman from another firm and he was very nice, very helpful but also one of those people who has to give you 37 different examples all of the same thing. He was just a teensy tiny bit LONG WINDED. Meanwhile I can smell my food (which is sitting on my desk in the next room) getting cold. What was a nice touch of irony is that now I'm getting nauseous. Nauseous in that whole if you don't eat that cheeseburger now you're going to be hitting the floor face down in about thirty seconds...

I was on this call for 20 minutes. Blood sugar dropping. When I was finally released I promptly went into my office, picked up my Happy Meal and transported it to the garbage can in the kitchen. Nothing is worse than a cold cheeseburger. The cheese really turns back into yellowy-orange plastic after about 10 minutes exposed to the elements. I want my $3.78 back. I want my hot cheeseburger. Instead I went downstairs and got some sort of curried lentil soup from Au Bon Pain that who knows how many other people sneezed in since its part of the self-service soup bar. I just couldn't bring myself to go back to McD and have to explain why I'm back for seconds.

Quite the antithesis to a Happy Meal.

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