I Wonder What Freddie Mercury Would Think...

Today on the way to Gymboree Miss B. and I were listening to "One Vision" thanks to the iPod. This is one of my favorite "Queen" songs. In the words of the great Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda, "there are no accidents", nor, I assume are there coincidences either, just twists of fate. What was today's twist of fate? That while we were at Gymboree Miss Adrienne lead the class in our "tap tap song". I had never heard the "tap tap song" so this was new to me. She had us start by tapping on the mat and then clapping our hands, rather rhythmically. Dum-dum, clap, dum-dum, clap... after a few moments Miss Adrienne begins to sing the Gymboree rendition of "We Will Rock You" where the words have been changed to "Gym-bo, Gym-Bo, Gym-Bo" together with something to the effect of: "Gymbo is a red clown, blue clown, yellow clown. Gymbo is gonna come play to-day" You see, for those of you not familiar with Gymboree, Gymbo is the clown mascot. Now I'm sure that the remaining members of "Queen" have sold the rights to their song so that it can be used in such a manner. But alas, when it was originally written, I doubt they could forsee its being sung in quite this way. Oddly, I felt like the only person who thought the new rendition of this classic rock anthem was a travesty.

Next, Miss Sherri (who is in training and, while very nice, seems a bit out of place as she was all made up and kind of looked like she moonlights as a stripper in Bangkok) lead "parachute" time. Miss Sherri was a bit nervous today and her performance was not unlike one of Jessica Simpson's opening numbers for Rascal Flatts. She kept trying to start "Jack and Jill" or something about some blackbirds, (I'm not really sure which) and the poor thing just kept saying that she was sorry and that she was nervous and forgot the words and that she needed to start over.

One of the moms tried to chime in, but that didn't ring any bells for Miss Sherri and then she started singing instead some song about three little ducklings that wandered out of their nest and never came home. (!) Why she thought this theme was appropriate for toddlers I'm not sure. Thankfully, we moved on to "bubble time" quickly before Miss Sherri could come up with any other songs, perhaps one about goldfish being flushed down the toilet or birds being eaten by cats.

Also in class today were a pair of Indian twin boys that remind me of The Shining every time I see them. I know, in the Shining the twins were girls, but these kids have the same glazed over look in their eyes that the movie twins had and with their bowl hair cuts they kind of look like Danny, the little boy from The Shining so it all just merges in my head and I'm generally freaked out. In truth these kids are very nice and well behaved and I'm just being an immature film freak, but what can I say. If you were there you'd totally see the resemblance.

After Gymboree, Miss B. and I went to lunch with the gang at our usual food court hangout. Today the food court was empty except for our gaggle of toddlers and a whole table full of New Jersey State Police. (The barracks are across the parking lot). I kept thinking to myself-- do State Police have anything they could give to us (besides a ticket) if we brought the kids over? You know, like how Nuns are supposed to give you medals and stewardesses can give you wings? We decided not to try our luck.

But, I digress. During lunch, one of the kids in our party kept running free which wouldn't have been an issue except for the fact that her hands and face were covered in an assortment of food which included pizza, pizza sauce, egg roll, beef and broccoli, fruit punch and chocolate chip cookie. Can I just say, wipes were invented for a reason? And, not only that, but there is such a thing as a napkin and customarily they are given away free when you purchase food, so it would be nice if we could all start using them! I had to sit at lunch with all of my belongings on my lap for fear that "food-hands" would be all over my stuff. My coat is machine washable, but my purse isn't. Really, saying "she won't let me wipe her mouth" is just an excuse for laziness. Admit it, you've just given up. Or, alternatively, if your child really has some sort of pathological fear of having their face wiped, why not police what they're having for lunch a little bit better so that there isn't as much of a mess going on? Oy!