How to Spend 24 Hours

A) Sleep as much as you can.

B) Once awoken, call office, speak to underlying. Make many more repeated phone calls and emails to Job colleagues re: closing.

C) Bathe. Dress. Bathe child. Dress child. You'd be surprised how many of our friends and neighbors think the "bathing" step is optional, both for themselves and their children. Apparently, Charles Schultz was on to something with "Pigpen". Of course, the other night when I made this observation to the Husband I mistakenly called the Peanuts creator George Schulz (aka the former Secretary of State) regardless, I'm sure he knew a lot about people who fail to take into account personal hygiene, too.

D) Get in Car to drive to City for Puppet Show and general fun-having.

E) Pick up Dunkin Donuts (toasted plain bagel, munchkins, Pepsi, cup of ice). It's Miss B's fave.

F) Proceed to have conference calls with opposing counsel re: last minute title issues, yada, yada, yada while navigating the New Jersey Turnpike. Thank goodness for that pesky hands-free device.

G) Call client while at lowest possible point in Lincoln Tunnel. Be shocked that AT&T service does not decide to "drop call" at crucial moment.

H) Spot NYC police officer directly outside of Lincoln Tunnel while on call with client. Be thankful for pesky hands-free device.

I) Travel up West Side Highway to parking garage destination at Museum of Natural History. Suit up Baby into stroller and attempt to locate "Swedish Cottage" in Central Park.

J) Locate Swedish Cottage, thanks to IKEA-esque Swedish Flag.

K) Attend Marionette Show with Thisbe and Wee Kraken. Reconsider appropriateness of themes in "Peter Pan". Wonder, why is Neverland a good place just because you don't have to take a bath? Question whether this is some sort of mass water-conserving conspiracy vis-a-vis lack of bathing. Hmpf.

L) Shake Shack. Chocolate Shake.

M) Wish farewell to Thisbe and Wee Kraken, now realize we are in New York Metro Area at 3pm. Certainly far too early to return to the wilds of Central New Jersey.

N) Pack Baby in Car, Baby falls asleep in car after approximately 35 seconds. Traverse George Washington Bridge. Find one's self on Route 4 nearing Paramus. If you're in Northern New Jersey, you've got to be near a mall.

O) Visit Bergen Town Center. Home to Nordstrom Rack, Century 21, Saks Off Fifth, Filene's Basement, etc., etc. That's Right. We've found the center of the Northern Jersey Discount Black Hole. Find cute outfits for Baby at Nordstrom. Cheap Seven for All Mankind jeans at Saks and an amazingly large liquor department at Whole Foods. Apparently, Bergen County's laws are far different from Mercer and Middlesex. Of course, you can't buy anything in Bergen on a Sunday, but you can buy wine while shopping for organic produce Monday through Saturday. Who Knew?

P) Next stop? IKEA. The Swedish thing is a theme, apparently. Discover that you can't live without: i) a bulletin board, ii) one small 5 X 7 frame, iii) flexible cutting boards and, finally, iv) two extremely large terra cotta pots (which require you to use a flatbed cart, while negotiating the store with a stroller in tow).

Q) Repeat the phrase: "If I keep the wheels straight, it will go straight" all the way to the parking lot, while using the stroller as a rudimentary rudder to keep flatbed cart stable.

R) Drive home via Garden State Parkway, Turnpike and Routes 1 and 18, thus having successfully circumnavigated the State of New Jersey.

S) Feed Baby Dinner, get Baby ready for bedtime.

T) Hang out with Husband while having tuna on toast and watching the Real Housewives.

U) Take shower. I'm big on this cleanliness thing.

V) Write droll blog entry about day's adventures, since clearly, everyone's dying to know how we spend 24 hours.

W) Repeat Step A above.